Boyertown Bar Jokes
Posted on Saturday, September 8, 2018
Categories:
Humor
It's a fact that beer and laughter help us live longer lives! We've got to laugh! We've amassed some of our favorite bar jokes here for your entertainment. If they make you chuckle like they do for us, please share this page with your friends who need a laugh too!
A BOYERTOWN BEAR WALKS INTO...
A bear walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a beer …................................................. and a burger."
The bartender says, "Sure, but why the big paws?"
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A PANDA WALKS INTO...
A panda walks into a bar, orders a burger and gobbles it down. Then he pulls out a gun, fires it in the air, and heads for the door.
"Hey!" shouts the bartender.
The panda yells back, "I'm a panda. Google me!", and hastily departs.
Sure enough, Panda: "A tree-climbing mammal with distinct black-and-white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."
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AN ATHEIST AND A MARINE
An atheist professor walked into a bar, ordered a beer, and proceeded to tell the crowd that he was going to prove once and for all that there is no God. He exclaimed, "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this bar stool. I'll give you 15 minutes!"
Ten minutes went by. He kept taunting God as he ordered another beer, saying,"Here I am, God. I'm still waiting." He got down to the last couple of minutes and a Marine - just released from active duty - calmly finished his beer, walked up to the professor, hit him full force in the face, and sent him flying from his bar stool.
The professor struggled up, obviously shaken and in pain, and yelled, "What's the matter with you? Why did you do that?"
The Marine steadily replied, "God was busy; He sent me."
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A LAWYER WALKS INTO...
A lawyer walks into a bar. He sees a beautiful, well-dressed woman sitting at the bar alone. He walks up to her and says, "Hi there, how's it going tonight?"
She turns to him, looks him straight in the eyes and says, "I'll screw anyone, any time, any where, any place, it doesn't matter to me."
The lawyer raises his eyebrows and says, "No kidding? What law firm do you work for?"
KEYWORDS ARE EVERYWHERE
An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, tavern, public house, neighborhood bar, burgers and beers, drinks, draft beer, alcohol
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AN OLD GUY WALKS INTO...
An old guy walks into a bar and the bartender asks for ID. "You've got to be kidding," he said. "I'm almost 60 years old." The bartender apologized, but said he had to see the license. The guy showed his ID, then paid and told the bartender to keep the change.
"The tip's for carding me," he said. The bartender put the change in the tip cup.
"Thanks," he said. "Works every time."
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A BOYERTOWN BEAR WALKS INTO...
A bear walks into a bar wearing a baseball cap. Bartender says, “You want to watch the Cubs?”
Bear says, “Do you have a secret camera in my house!? Is my family okay!? What do you want from me!?”
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A LIZARD WALKS INTO...
A lizard walks into a bar pushing a baby in a stroller. "What's your kid's name?" asks the bartender.
"Tiny," says the lizard. "Because he's my newt."
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A MARINE WALKS INTO...
A marine walks into a bar and orders a Bin Laden. “What’s that?”, the bartender asked.
The marine replied, “Two shots and a splash of water”.
FISHING FOR WHISKEY
“Poor Old fool,” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?”
The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”
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TWO GUYS ARE SITTING AT A BAR...
Two guys are sitting at a bar. One guy says to the other, "Did you know that lions have sex 10 or 15 times a night?"
The other guy says, "Damn, and I just joined the Rotary Club."
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WEDDING RECEPTION
A guy walks up to the Bartender at a wedding reception and asks,
"Is this the punch line?"
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ADDING INSULT TO INTRODUCTION
Some Texans are mingling at the bar when an Oxford graduate walks in. "Howdy, stranger," one Texan says. "Where are you from?"
The Oxford graduate arrogantly replies, "I come from a place where we do not end our sentences in prepositions."
"Oh, I'm sorry," replies the Texan. "Where are you from... jackass?"
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AN AMNESIAC WALKS INTO...
An amnesiac walks into a bar. He goes up to a beautiful blonde and says, "So, do I come here often?"
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A BOYERTOWN BEAR WALKS INTO...
A bear walks into a bar and orders a martini. After serving him, the bartender shakes his head and says, "Man, you sure don't see a bear in here drinking a martini every day."
The bear says, "At these prices, I'm not surprised."
A GUY WALKS INTO A BIKER BAR
A guy walks into a biker bar - already drunk - and orders a whiskey.
He looks around and sees three bikers sitting at a corner table.
He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest-baddest biker straight in the face and says, "I went by your grandma's house and I saw her in the hallway, buck naked.
Man, she is fine!"
The biker just looked at the man, didn't say a word, and took a sip of beer.
The biker's buddies were confused because he was a bad-ass and would fight at the drop of a hat.
The drunk leaned on the table again and said, "I got it on with your grandma and she is good. The best I ever had!" The big biker still said nothing. He just looked at the man and took a sip of beer.
The biker's buddies were starting to get mad when the drunk leaned on the table again and said, "I'll tell you something else boy, your grandma liked it!"
The big biker finished his beer, stood up and took the drunk by the shoulder and said, "Damn it Grandpa, you're drunk again! Go home!"
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A PENGUIN WALKS INTO...
A penguin walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Have you seen my brother?"
The bartender says, "I don't know. What does he look like?"
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GOLFING TIPS
So a guy walks into a bar after a round of golf and sits down at a table opposite a flashily-dressed blonde who says to him, "I'm a hooker."
The golfer replies, "Well, if you turn your hands on the shaft a little bit to the left... you'll tend more toward a slice."
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PAST PRESENT FUTURE...
The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.
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A BLIND MAN WALKS INTO...
A blind man enters a bar and find his way to a barstool.
After ordering a drink and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”
The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet.
In a husky, deep voice,the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I’m a 6' tall, 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate. What’s more, the fella sitting next to me is blonde and he’s a weightlifter. The woman to your right is a blonde, and she’s a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister. Do you really wanna tell that blonde joke?”
The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”
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THE DYSLEXIC GUY
So there was this dyslexic guy who walked into a bra.
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DOCTOR JONES DAIQUIRI
Doctor Jones likes to stop at a bar after work and enjoy an almond daiquiri. One day, Dick the bartender runs out of almonds and uses hickory nuts instead. The doctor takes a sip and says, "Is this an almond daiquiri, Dick?"
And Dick says, "It's a hickory daiquiri, Doc."
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A NAVY MAN WALKS INTO...
A Navy man walks into a bar, gives the bartender a conspiratorial wink and says, "Quick, pour me a drink, before the trouble starts."
The bartender pours a drink and watches as the Sailor downs it in one gulp.
The Sailor slams the glass down on the bar and says, "Quick, give me another one before the trouble starts."
The bartender pours another glass and the Sailor drinks it as quickly as he had the first.
The Sailor pauses, lets out a belch and demands a third drink 'before the trouble starts.'
After several rounds of this, the bartender says, "Look Sailor, you've been talking about trouble for ten minutes. Just when is this 'trouble' going to start?"
The sailor looks at the bartender and grins. "The trouble starts just as soon as you figure out that I don't have any money."
SO A BOYERTOWN BEAR WALKS INTO...
So a bear walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Are you hiring?" and the bartender says, "Why don't you try the circus, bear?"
The bear replies, "Why would the circus hire a bartender?"
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CHARLES DICKENS WALKS INTO...
Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, "Olive or Twist?"
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A SAD MAN WALKS INTO...
One night a man walks into a bar looking sad. The bartender asks the man what he wants.
The man says “Oh just a beer”.
The bartender asked the man, “Whats wrong, why are you so down today?” The man said, “My wife and I got into a fight and she said she wouldn't talk to me for a month”.
The bartender asked, “So whats wrong with that”?
The man replied, “Well the month is up tonight”.
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A MUSHROOM WALKS INTO...
A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender tells him to get out.
The mushroom says, “Why? I’m a fun-guy.”
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A GRASSHOPPER WALKS INTO...
A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, "You're quite a celebrity around here. We've even got a drink named after you."
The grasshopper says, "You've got a drink named Kurt?"
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A FRENCHMEN WALKS INTO...
A Frenchman walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bird is wearing a baseball cap. The bartender says, "Hey, that's neat. Where did you get that?"
The parrot says, "France—they've got millions of them there."
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BAR SIGNS
A bar in our neighborhood got lots of interesting traffic. Cars swerved into the parking lot, and the drivers would run inside only to reappear minutes later looking confused.
One reason might have been the sign outside: "Free Beer, Topless Bartenders, and False Advertising."
Tagged:Beer, Bar Jokes